Separation is tough, especially when kids are part of the picture. As mums, we want to make sure our children feel loved, supported and secure even when family life changes. A parenting plan is one of the best ways to give children stability and help parents avoid conflict.
At its core, a parenting plan is a written agreement between parents about how children will be cared for after separation. It sets out details like where the kids live, how much time they spend with each parent, school routines, holidays and even smaller things like pick ups and drop offs. While it is not legally enforceable on its own, it can be made formal through the courts if needed.
The most important thing is that the plan works for the children and gives both parents clear guidelines to follow.
Why parenting plans matter
Kids do best when they know what to expect. Having a consistent routine helps them feel safe, even if their parents are no longer together. Research shows that children adjust better after separation when their care arrangements are clear and reliable.
If you are unsure how to make a plan that suits your family’s needs, it can help to get advice from Family Law Specialists. They can explain your options and guide you through decisions about living arrangements, schooling and holidays so that the plan is practical and fair.
A good plan also reduces the risk of arguments. Instead of rehashing the same issues over and over, both parents know what has already been agreed. That means less stress for parents and more peace of mind for the kids.
What to include in a parenting plan
Every family is different, but there are a few common areas most parenting plans should cover.
Living arrangements
- Where the children live during the week and on weekends.
- Whether time is shared equally or one home is the main base.
School and childcare
- Who does school drop offs and pick ups.
- Who attends parent-teacher meetings and school events.
Holidays and special occasions
- How school holidays are divided.
- Who the children spend birthdays, Christmas, Easter and other occasions with.
Communication
- How children can contact the other parent when they are not together.
- How parents will communicate with each other — for example, by text, email or using any co-parenting apps.
Decision making
- Who makes major decisions about health, schooling, religion and extra activities.
- Whether both parents must agree on certain matters.
Finances and support
- Who pays for school fees, uniforms and activities.
- How unexpected costs are shared.
The more detail included, the less room there is for confusion later.
Keeping it realistic
A parenting plan only works if it matches real life. It is tempting to make a plan that looks balanced on paper but is hard to follow in practice. For example, if one parent works late most nights, it may be better for the children to live with the other parent during school weeks, with weekends shared.
Flexibility is also important. Children’s needs change as they grow. A plan that works for a six-year-old may not suit a teenager with sport and social commitments. Leaving space for adjustments will save stress down the track.
Tips for making your plan work
Here are a few practical tips for mums putting together a plan:
- Put the kids first
Every choice should be guided by what works best for the children, not what feels like a win for one parent. - Be clear but flexible
Spell out details like pick up times, but allow for changes if something unexpected comes up. - Use plain language
Avoid complicated terms. Both parents should be able to read and understand the plan easily. - Think ahead
Try to plan for the future as well as the present. Consider high school, medical needs and teenage independence. - Review regularly
Agree on a time to review the plan, such as every 12 months, to make sure it still suits everyone.
What if disagreements happen?
Even the best plan cannot prevent all disagreements. The key is how they are handled. Keep conversations respectful and focused on the children rather than old relationship issues.
If you cannot agree, mediation can be a useful step. Family dispute resolution services are available through community organisations such as Relationships Australia. If serious concerns remain, you may need legal advice or court intervention, especially in situations involving safety or wellbeing.
Talking to the kids
Children do not need to know every detail of the parenting plan, but they do need reassurance. Explain the changes in a simple and age-appropriate way. Let them know they will still have time with both parents and that the separation is not their fault.
It also helps to listen to their feelings. Older children may have preferences about where they live or how they spend holidays. While parents make the final decision, taking children’s views into account can make them feel heard and supported.
Using parenting apps and tools
Technology can make co-parenting easier. Parenting apps can help share schedules, store important documents, track expenses and keep communication civil. This can reduce stress and avoid constant back-and-forth messaging.
When legal advice is needed
Many parents are able to create a plan together without professional help. But if there are safety concerns, communication is difficult or disagreements keep coming up, getting legal advice can make a big difference. A professional can explain your rights, what the law says about parenting arrangements and how to formalise an agreement if needed.
Final thoughts
Parenting plans are about more than just logistics. They are about giving children a stable and supportive environment while parents move forward separately. A clear plan reduces conflict, helps kids adjust and gives everyone peace of mind.
If you are thinking about making one, start with what your children need most and build from there. Stay flexible, be prepared to review the plan as life changes, and remember you are not alone. Support is available from friends, community services and professionals who can help guide the way.
